House of Ideas: The Web-Slinger's New Clothes

By Thomas "HouseT" Houston

There's a new spider in town, and his name is... Peter... Parker?

Oh, yeah. It's the same guy in a different suit. Of course, you know that unless you happen to be living in a cave (cave dwellers will be notiifed via smoke signal and messenger possum sometime early next week). But before you grab your pitchfork and start to demand the head of the editor/writer of your choice, let's take a step back and look at the big picture. Let's take a closer look at what's changed, what's the same, and why getting bent out of shape probably isn't the wisest course of action.

First, the details. After returning from the dead (long story), and having his costume shredded through various activities (not as long a story, but I won't go into it, Peter Parker's been given a new set of duds by fellow Avenger/millionaire inventor Tony Stark. Needless to say, this new suit has a few items the old one lacked. Here's the laundry list of what we know is a part of the new costume.

Mesh webbing (located under the arms; allows for gliding short distances)
Heat Resistant Kevlar Micro-fiber (a fancy way of saying "heat/bulletproof.")
Built-In Fire, Police, and Emergency Scanner
Audio and visual enhancement (including infrared and ultraviolet)
Carbon filters in the mouth area (filters out toxins)
Short range GPS microwave communications system
Titanium chestplate
George Foreman grill

(Note: one of these items is not actually in the outfit. That's right. Who in their right mind would make a chestplate out of titanium?)

There's also the matter of a set of insect-like arms that seem to be shown sprouting from the suit's back in various photos but not seen in action as of yet. So there's no telling what exactly they do.

What hasn't changed are the rather obvious things. Peter Parker still dons said costume, web-slinging is still his primary mode of transportation, and his spider-sense is still in perfect working order. Or... whatever order it was in after coming back from the dead (long story...).

Around now is when some people would be reaching for the pitchforks again, but resist the urge. Here's the short list of reasons why stressing over this wardrobe change is counterproductive.

1. There is a reason for it. A lot of people, upon hearing of the change, immediately assumed it was a superfluous change made for no reason at all. And while one could argue that the real world reasoning for it might still hold that explanation, there is a storyline reasoning for its existence. Not that Tony Stark needs a reason to build a new set of tech gear for anyone, but in this case he did it because he wanted Peter to side with him in the upcoming, ahem, "crisis" (which Marvel is referring to as Civil War). And clearly Tony can't take an apprentice under his wing without rearming him. That just wouldn't work at all.

2. Not much has really changed. Peter has the same abilities he always did. Just because he has kevlar doesn't mean he's going to be getting shot more. His handy dandy spider-sense will most likely still have him avoiding most things thrown at him. If anything, his new suit will just make him more likely to survive bigger hits and impacts if they occur. If it really bugs you, then you should also be bugged by Captain America or Batman wearing armor.

And as for his glide wings... they're not really that big of a deal, either. If anything, they'll save Peter from having to web up a glider or parachute, which if you really think about it is a little out there.

3. This is a temporary change. I'm sure it's been made common knowledge through some type of interview or solicitation, but even if it wasn't you know this won't be a permanent change. Very few heroes ever get a permanent change to their costumes or abilities, and I hardly see where it's going to start now.

The set-up for the whole thing seems way too convenient and bound for plot twists. Either one
of three things will happen. Peter will get his costume hacked into and have to ditch it, the costume will be damaged by normal means and have to be ditched, or Tony does something during the course of this story arc that causes Peter to become disenfranchised and ditch his gift despite how useful it is (we call this last one "The Steve Rogers Effect).

Think about this, too. In the last story arc, Peter finally tapped into his hidden spider and realized a few new abilites. Among those abilities? Heightened sight and other senses, as well as utilizing the ability to stick things to other parts of his body (yeah, I know it's not new, but they acted like it was). It hardly makes sense to show Peter with these new abilities if he was going to get a set of gear that permanently made them obsolete.

When it's all said and done, I think this new outfit will have its own place among the many other incarnations of Spider-Man's costumes. And like the Spider-armor, the symbiote costume, and even the Ben Reilly variant, it will likely hold its own place in history and/or infamy. Time will tell.


Cracking the Blinds

Time to take a look behind the scenes of the Houseworks and get a little more insight into what goes on in my mind. If you're not scared yet... you will be.

You. Will. Be.

Ahem. Anywho, toady we look at the process behind my rating system. When it comes to comics (and possibly other things, if I get around to reviewing them), I work on a very basic system. But if you're the type that wonders just what makes an 8 an 8, or just how much better a 7 is than a 4, then read on. Otherwise, just skip to the next subtopic.

Everything I rate is on a ten point scale. Obviously, the higher the score the better. Here's how I qualify my rating scale (keep in mind, though, that numbers may vary based on external factors):

1: Lowest of the low. An extermely bad rating. If it's art, I wonder who paid them to scribble with their toes. If it's writing, I wonder if they got their 10 year old kid to write it for them. This is the worst thing I can bestow upon an item, and I'd be hard pressed to think that I ever will get around to it. Chuck Austen on his worst day doesn't garner a 1. At least I hope not.

2-4: Lacking. Something was missing from these items. Either a story had a major flaw/lack of characterization or the art wasn't to my liking. Possibly some combination of the two didn't work for me.

5-7: Average to Above Average. Keep in mind that in most cases, average works for me. So a 5, while not great, is probably still something that I would enjoy.

8-9: Great. This is the stuff that I like. I could find very few faults with items in this category, and these are the types of things I would recommend to other people. You know, if I recommended stuff to people.

10: Best of the best. This is gold in paper form. And unlike the super special variant gold-foil cover from the 90's, you may well be able to afford a copy of one of these.

I tend to rate comics on three things: Story, Art, and a general Overall rating. The Overall rating is not an average of the other two scores. It reflects my... wait for it... overall opinion of the book in question. It tends to fall somewhere in the range of the story and art scores because I feel that it should. I tend to credit story over art, so a high story score tends to pull up a low art score (if not negate it completely).

Hope that helps clear things up. If not, just keep in mind that most people don't really pay attention to ratings, anyway and make up your own numbers. It's more fun than you'd think.


T-Mail! (It's finally time for the unveiling... of the T-Mail song!)

(to the tune of "Let's all go to the Lobby")

It's time to read us some T-Mail!
Reply to some posts and some e-mail!
Might even get one from a fe-male!
(But it'll probably be from a dude.)


creek posted...

House,
Neat article. Now, if I only read DC.... Guess I'll need to start.

creek: Thanks. One thing I found interesting about my article is that most people seemed to take it as my wholeheartedly endorsing Infinite Crisis and One Year Later. Truth to be told, I have my own set of problems with them (which I may go into at some later point), but I decided to make the focus of my article be on giving people the info they'd need to get through it. I'm sure I'll get around throwing out parise (and also harsh criticism) before too long.


Uli posted...

Good stuff, to me your style suggests a near-sober Hunter Thomson riffing on comic books . . . you weirdo.

uli: I'm not exactly sure whether to feel insulted, disturbed, or flattered by this statement. So I'll choose to be all three. But mostly that last one. Because if nothing else, it's the one that makes me feel all warm and glowy inside. That's a good word. Remember it, kids. Glowy.

So, what do you think? Still want your pitchfork? Think my rating system's overrated? Can't get the T-Mail Song out of your head? If you have any ideas/suggestions/comments, feel free to leave them here or contact me at th_houston75@hotmail.com. Please reference either "Waiting for Wednesday" or "House Rules!" in you subject, so I have some idea why you're mailing me. See you when I see you, and remember... underneath our clothes, we're all naked. Especially Power Girl.

...I'm so bad. Yes, I am.