House Rules! Week of 03/15/06

Happy St. Patrick's Day weekend! If you're not Irish, then fake it. My reviews this week are chock full of sugary info and crispy opinions. Break out your milk and your spoon, kiddies. This edition is magically delicious.

On Tap: Friendly Neighborhood SM #6 & Superman/Shazam #4 (also Superman #650 and Nightwing #118)


Friendly Neghborhood Spider-Man #6

"Masks (Part 1 of 2)"

Writer: Peter David
Art: Roger Cruz/Oclair Albert/Victor Olazaba

Note-a-Quote: "This isn't a joke! He's calling me a pantywaist for, crying out loud!" -Peter Parker (Poor Peter. Just one wedgie away from it being exactly like high school.)

It's Spider-Man in the wrestling match of the century! He's doing his best to keep up with the masked luchador El Muerto, but Muerto's got Spidey in a full nelson. Spidey reverses the hold and attempts to plant Muerto. Muerto escapes and prepares to launch a new attack. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the drama! Oh, what the heck am I talking about? Let's make like the story and backtrack a little.

Fade back to... a dark evening in the Jameson home. A set of crooks have tied J. Jonah Jameson and his son John up and are preparing to make Jonah pay for . Jonah tries to compel John to come to his rescue, but John notes that there's nothing that he can do. While Jonah realizes the foolhardiness of thinking that his son might be Spider-Man, the two men are saved by the arrival of... El Muerto! Displaying superior strength and skill, the masked wrestler makes short work of the would-be killers. After setting Jonah free, the wrestler admits that he's been watching Jonah because he needed to ask a favor...

And back to in-ring action! Oh, what a hit! Jonah fumes, Robbie makes idle conversation, and Flash Thompson cheers his favorite wall-crawling hero on. Hey, want to hear a funny story...?

Fade back to...earlier in the week. Peter tries to keep one student at his school from bullying another one. The half-cocked jock tells Peter that he got his bully state of mind from his coach, who Peter discovers much to his shock and dismay to be Flash Thompson.

As Peter learns, Flash is out of his coma but apparently has a gap in his memory. He doesn't remember much of the past few years, meaning he doesn't remember anything about him and Peter being friends (or that he isn't a jerk anymore, but we'll get to that later). But Flash is still Spidey's number one fan, and Flash is sure that Spidey will step up to the challenge of a charity wrrestling match. He's that kind of guy, Flash.

And back to the ring! Oh, Muerto's got a hold of Spidey. Muerto's wrapping him up, and...ouch! That's got to hurt. Muerto screams at Spidey to surrender, but Spidey won't give, Hey, what's Muerto's deal anyway...?

Fade back to...a lonely, desert plain. Masked fighter Marcus Estrada de la Garcia and his son Juan-Carlos face down a dark hooded apparition. It is time for Juan-Carlos to fulfill his family obligation and fight to keep the mask of El Muerto and all the power held within. But Juan-Carlos is afraid and tries to back out. His life is forfeit, but his father won't let it happen without a fight. The dark entity removes Marcus' mask... along with his head.

Because of his father's bravery, Juan-Carlos is faced with a new challenge. He has ten years to train and prepare himself, after which he must find a masked hero, a champion of the public. He must then challenge, defeat, humiliate, and unmask this hero, or forfeit his life.

Cut to the here and now... minus a few days. The Daily Bugle is adorned with a giant billboard issuing a challenge to Spider-Man from El Muerto. No webs, just skill. From Avengers Tower, the Parker family discusses the challenge. Peter notes that it's for charity, not to mention he knows JJJ won't ever let it go if he backs down. MJ, is sure that Peter can take the guy, but Aunt May has her reservations about declaring it a sure thing. But of course, she's fine with whatever Peter decides, which is good since we already know he's going to do it.

Cut to the here and now... for real, this time. MJ watches the fight at home , uncertain of the outcome. Fellow spectator Wolverine notes that the Mexican wrestler's good... no scratch that... great, then points out to MJ that the Spanish phrase Muerto's been using means mask vs. mask. Which of course means the loser is unmasked. But then, we already knew that. We're attentive readers. And avid wrestling fans.

And back to the ring action! Spidey's got the upper hand... er, leg. Oh, Muerto's back on top again. Spidey points out that if he used his webs this would be over quick. Comic fanboys everywhere simultaneously scream, "That's what he'd do to Batman..." Others scream, "...blah, blah, time to plan..." Fights break out in comic book stores everywhere. A lone Native American cries on the side of the highway...!

Ahem. Sorry. Tangent. El Muerto points out to Spidey that he intends to beat him and unmask him. Spidey panics and in a fit of instinct extends a stinger. Oh, he's stung El Muerto. J. Jonah goes insane, scremaing has a secret weapon. The ref, as usual, sees nothing. El Muerto staggers and falls. And above the action, a dark, hooded figure prepares to take Juan-Carlos' mask... and his life.

Peter David crams a lot of story into this one issue, and as much as that worries me sometimes he makes it work. We get the main story of the wrestling match intertwined with a series of histories that show us not just facets of Peter's life but facets of El Muerto's as well. For Peter, we see that life is just as crazy and full of highs and lows as normal. For Juan-Carlos, we see a young man with a disturbing past and a desparate future.

And somewhere along the way, we get a lot of nice character moments, too. A snippet of wisdom from Aunt May, Wolverine being gruff but still enjoyable. Jonah being mean and thoughtless. And Flash being a jerk. And while for Flash that's a bit of character regression, it is entertaining, and I'm sure that PAD is going somewhere with it.

While the notion of a wrestling match for charity will always invoke the image of Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips for me, it's nice to know a premise as simple as that can still be entertaining.

Story: 7/10 (Nice, interweaving story elements tell the tale well.)
Art: 6/10 (As flashy or as mundane as it needs to be.)
Overall: 7/10 (Every thing you want in the start to a two-parter.)


Superman/Shazam: First Thunder #4 (of 4)

"Men and Boys! Gods and Thunder!"

Writer: Judd Winnick
Art: Joshua Middleton

Note-a-Quote: "No. No flying. I'm going to have to run away on the ground." -Dr. Sivana (Not so much for his saying it, but for what prompts it.)

Dr. Sivana is an ***hole. If it was ever in doubt, his actions in this book make it clear. Who else would send a small army of to kill a boy because he believes that he's secretly Captain Marvel? Who else would admit that even if he's wrong and he has just killed an innocent boy, it won't bother him that much? Hold that thought, because it's important.

When we last left young Billy Batson, he and his pal Scott were hanging out in the sewers about to be fired upon by a small cadre of guns-for-hire. Now everyone should have figured out by now that Billy can say a word and be hit by lightning faster than a bunch of thugs can pull a trigger. Otherwise, this would be one short book. So CM takes down to shooters and despite their best attmepts to shoot each other manages to keep them all alive.

Now for those keeping score at home, there are a few important things to point out about Billy's friend, Scott:

1) Scott is an innocent child.
2) Scott shares the same racial background as the guys that always end up dying somewhere in the middle of a horror movie or war film.
3) Scott has never been mentioned anywhere outside of this title.
4) Judd Winnick has a prolific skill at being a stone bastard when it comes to plots like this.
5) Scott is not bullet-proof.

Needless to say, Scott is quite shot, and not even the speed of Mercury can get him to help in time.

Anyone who likes their Captain Marvel nice and sweet and occasionally butting heads with a talking worm can stop reading right here. But what happens next is nothing that resembles that. God help the worm that would draw such wrath from Captain Marvel.

The big, mad, red cheese storms the police station, ahem... coerces the thug there to reveal who hired him, then goes to pay a certain evil doctor a visit. And while he contemplates it, Cap eventually decides that killing Sivana won't accomplish anything. Stopping just short of killing him, though, is enough to get Sivana to high tail it out of town.

Meanwhile in Metropolis (remember that other guy that's in this book), word of Captain Marvel's tirade reaches Clark Kent. Superman heads off to confront Cap, who's currently huddled on a mountainside. Superman is halfway through dressing Cap down for losing control when he realizes that Cap's crying. When he's unable to express exactly why he's so upset, Cap says the word and shows Superman that he's just a kid.

Superman confronts the wizard Shazam about putting this kind of responsibility on a young boy, but you know how Shazam is. Fate blah, blah, destiny yadda yadda. But the old wizard does make one point that Superman agrees with. Billy does need guidance. And so it comes to pass that Clark Kent makes his way to the hole in the wall that young Billy Batson is staying at and reveals his own secret identity. And that's how they became bestest buddies... the end. For now.
I know what you're saying to yourself. Captain Marvel is not a vigilante. Captain Marvel does not threaten people. It's not in his nature to try and kill someone. And you're right. It really isn't... most of the time. But given the time frame this story takes place in (no doubt early in CM's career) and the situation (which is most likely the first time death hits close to home for him), his rage and subsequent rampage is understandable. Furthermore, this event, if treated as canon, is a very good example of why many of CM's villains may well know his secret identity and choose not to act on it. He's a nice guy, but push him too far, and there's just no telling.

Not to mention his reaction is a realistic one. He goes from pain to rage, then vengeance, and then finally he just breaks down. And to be fair, that's really the watershed moment in the story. Much like Superman, the reader is forced to realize (or remember) that underneath all that power, CM is a kid at heart and there are just some things he's not ready to accept.

Superman''s role is more that of an external observer. Even when he does go to do something, he's relegated to providing commentary on the matter. And the general theme of the mini-series seemed to be, "Superman and Captain Marvel forge a friendship." And while true, Superman comes off a secondary character throughout the entire thing.

Story: 6/10 (A pretty decent Captain Marvel story. And Superman stops by, too)
Art: 5/10 (Not my style, but it tells the story)
Overall: 6/10 (see above)
Overall (Mini-series): 5/10 (An okay story with a few nice moments, but it's hardly "can't miss")


Superman #650

"Up, Up, and Away Part One: Mortal Enemies"

Writer: Kurt Busiek/Geoff Johns
Art: Pete Woods

Note-a-Quote: "Do you believe the actress they had playing your mom? What was she, twenty-three?" - Lois Lane (I for one would like to think of Superman's mom as a stone cold hottie. I don't know why, it just helps me...)

The Skinny: It's One Year Later. As the people of Metropolis hold an event to remember all the good things Superman brought to them, Clark Kent and Lois Lane enjoy some bonding time at an event paying tribute to Superman. The Man of Steel hasn't been seen in almost a year, but Clark Kent's life seems to be clicking on all cylinders.

However, when an evil kryptonite-powered fiend makes an appearance on the streets, the mild mannered reporter finds a deserted alley, opens up his shirt... sleeve, and summons Supergirl to the scene with a signal watch. As Supergirl handles the super powered menace, Clark gets taken to a clandestine meeting with the newly acquitted Lex Luthor. Lex warns Clark to stop badmouthing him the press, then gets his point across with his fists.

That's right. Clark Kent is now surprisingly mortal.

My Take: It's One Year Later... and now we're finally getting somewhere. This may be the most concrete effect we've seen of any of the year jumps so far. There is no Superman. But more interestingly, there is a Clark Kent. And Clark seems quite pleased to live his life as a normal man. Well, you know, until he has to take it from Lex.

What does this mean for the future? Well, we know that something will happen in one of the upcoming titles to cause Clark to lose his powers Furthermore, it appears to be a "permanent" change (i.e. Clark will be flying again before the year's out). But at any rate, it is a refreshing change of pace. Metropolis being protected by Supergirl in his stead makes perfect sense. And seeing Clark performing his job at an optimal level and enjoying his "normal" life is nice, too.

All in all, it's nice to know the world won't fall apart if there isn't a Superman to keep watch over it. Unless... it happened in the past year and no one's gotten around to mentioning it yet. Hmm...

Story: 7/10 (It makes sense that Superman would know how to leap one year later in a single bound)
Art: 6/10 (Ordinary, but I think that was point of it)
Overall: 7/10 (Now this... I want to see where it leads.)


Nightwing #118

"Gang's All Here"

Writer: Bruce Jones
Art: Joe Dodd/Bit


The Skinny: It's One Year Later. A wild, reckless, and disturbingly violent Nightwing makes his presence felt in New York City. A loose spirited, slack, and decidedly single Dick Grayson has moved to New York City. The problem? The Nightwing and Dick Grayson in question aren't the same person. After Dick has a rough run-in with some of the local criminal element, he's saved by the would-be Nightwing imposter... Jason Todd.

My Take: It's One Year La... you know I'm getting tired of using that bit now. Nightwing has certainly taken a turn in an odd direction. Most noted changes in the past year:

Dick is rusty, implying that he hasn't been doing the hero thing on a regular basis.
Jason Todd is alive and running around in a Nightwing outfit. Can't this guy find an identity to mock and stick with it?
Dick, as evidenced by his introductory romp with a New York socialite, is not married to a certain someone he proposed to one year ago.

That last one, that's the one that really sticks with me. Not so much that they appear to not have married (because that's not so much a surprise), but that after forging a little of the way back together, Dick and Barbara would be completely on the outs again. It drives me crazy. Maybe because, much like my personal fave Spider-Man, I'd like to see Dick Grayson happy. And while I'm sure he was quite happy with the casual sex, it's really not what I want to see from him.

Then we have the running plot of a rogue Nightwing, or I guess a Nightwing imposter. I imagine there's a perfectly good reason for Jason Todd to be running around impersonating Nightwing, and I likely imagine that that will be revealed over time. That said... the heck? That's not quite the curve ball I was expecting with the Bat-Family, but it is something.

The art in this book I have a major issue with. If there's one thing I have a pet peeve about, it's being able to recognize characters when they're out of costume. And for some reason, Dick Grayson is unrecognizable in this issue. If they reveal that's he's in disguise I could buy it maybe. I'm assuming he's not since he was giving out his real name and was clearly recognized by his friend Clancy. But in a lot of panels he not only looks unlike any version of Dick I've seen, he also looks pug ugly. And if there's one thing we know, it's that Dick Grayson is a hunk.

Add to that the fact that the issue involves a Nightwing imposter. An imposter, I might add, that looks more like the real Nightwing than the real one does. Seriously, if there had been no internal dialogue, I wouldn't have known that Dick was Dick, which makes no sense at all. Not knowing that Jason was Jason I can live with. He was, after all, wearing a mask. I am still kicking myself for not figuring it out until the last page, though. But in my defense, it's the only time his look registered with me.

Where does Nightwing go from here? Hard to say, but it is at least working on a few compelling angles. Compelling enough to make my permanent pull list? Couldn't say. But my inclination at this point is that it will be a fond memory if it doesn't gell and pick up a notch.

Story: 5/10 (Okay, but even the plot twists are a little flat)
Art: 4/10 (Uninteresting and generally detracting froma story where appearance was important.)
Overall: 4/10 (Someone should remember that Dick's at his best when his life isn't in the tailspin. And fast.)


T-Mail!

It's time to read us some T-Mail!
Reply to some posts and some e-mail!
Might even get one from a fe-male!
(But it'll probably be from a dude.)

Oroboros358 posted:

Because of you I'm going down to my LCS tomorrow and demanding a copy of Captain Atom #6

Oroboros: Cool beans. Nice to know I had an affect on someone somewhere. I just hope I don't live to regret it. And speaking of influencing people...


chickenlover posted:

I severed a man in half and forced him to view your article with his last breaths! That makes 7!

chickenlover: That's the kind of progressive thinking I'm looking for. Remember kids. If you cut the person you force to read my articles in half, it counts as two people.

(ed. note: Please don't cut people in half. It's bad for the environment. Don't ask how.)

Not a fan of comic wrestling? Think Nightwing is the best thing since sliced bread? Really wondering why cutting people in half is wrong (If so, seek help). If you have any ideas/suggestions/comments, feel free to leave them here or contact me at th_houston75@hotmail.com. Please reference either "Waiting for Wednesday" or "House Rules!" in your subject, so I have some idea why you're mailing me.

Until next time: I did read Birds of Prey this week. Lady Shiva's on the team. Big whoop.