House of Ideas - Secret Origins

By Thomas "HouseT" Houston

Remember the good old days where comics characters would come out of the woodwork and it would be months or even years before their origins came to light? What am I saying? Things are still that way now. At any rate, it's time to give my secret origin. Or more specifically, answer the all consuming question: why use a name like HouseT? What possible connection to anything comics related could there be?! Don't wait for the translation, answer me now!

Okay, so I hope that it's not eating away at you that badly.

So, it's the mid-90's and I'm in college (yes, I'm that old... shut up). I know that kids today may not understand it, but back then the Internet was a relatively new thing. The concept of the hypertext link was in and of itself fascinating enough to keep you distracted for hours. Especially since every sixth link would inevitably lead you to porn... but I digress.

One of the other new aspects of the 'net back then were the UseNet newsgroups. Again, this was before blogs and message boards blew up and were everywhere and just after the old style bulletin boards that you had to reach by dial-up, so the ability to talk to people in different places in a public forum was a relatively new concept to a lot of people.

Yeah, I know I said there was a comics connection, so here it is. Back then, there were several newsgroups dedicated to comics, and one of the neat things about them were that occasionally a comic writer or editor or someone would start posting on one of them. There were a lot less people wanting to argue with and berate writers back then, although I do recall one guy debating with Peter David over what a plot element in a 2099 comic really meant (Note: Mr. David wrote said comic).

So then were the birthing of many an internet nickname, since you needed a handle to post anywhere. I'm almost positive this was part of the reason Peter David became more familiar as PAD (even though he used that abbreviation elsewhere and it wasn't his user name - it's how he closes letters and mails IIRC). So it came to pass that in the course of said web perusals, I had a desire to make my own posts. Which meant that I needed a user name. But it couldn't just be any user name. As a man, I could be corrupted. Beaten. Killed. Put on some abstract mailing or calling list. But as a symbol...

All right that's a load of crap, and I've never been as dedicated as Batman at any point in my life. The truth is that there were two prevailing thoughts in my head at the time.

1) One comic writer (I want to say Tom Breevort) used to go by the screen name Smooth B. Or Steady B, or something like that. I honestly don't remember it one hundred percent, except that I thought that it sounded like some rapper's name.

2) Bud Bundy (from Married with Children) was currently going through the phase when he was telling people that he a rapper by the name of Grandmaster B. That, sadly, I do remember with one hundred percent accuracy.

So for some reason, I thought that it would be a great idea to give myself a user name that also sounded like a rapper. I figured if nothing else, it would be good for a few inside jokes here and there. So I took an abbreviated version of my last name, converting it to the common word "house" and added a T for my first name. It seemed just derivative enough for people to make the connection, and just obscure enough to make people wonder just what it was all about. It's probably fortunate that it was the 90's and not the here and now, or else I'd have ended up with some name like, "Thomas-X," "Ugh-Ugh Houston," or "T-Hizzle Fa-Shizzle." Actually, I kind of like that last one.

Of course it never really took off. My newsgroup adventures were short lived and really only included a brief set of discussions with a few posters over why I didn't feel the need to celebrate Peter Parker's return to Spider-Man as some brilliant victory in a war against the man. And don't get me started on that topic...

Ergo (great word, by the way... ergo), I became HouseT, a handle which I use in several different places because I'm too lazy to come up with a new one. Which forever establishes two popular misconceptions about me.

1) That I am, in fact, a rapper. Okay, no one's ever really thought that, but then I doubt anyone's really ever thought that hard on my screen name.

2) That I pronounce my last name with an 'ow.' Despite how some people in my region pronounce it, I've always pronounced my last name like the city in Texas. It just seems to make more sense, and the other sounds... I don't know, snooty. Like you're trying to be different or something. But I guess it just depends on what you're born with.

So there you have it. A name origin loosely based on something comic related, but based more on the pop culture of the time and my own twisted sense of originality.


Bits and Pieces

Every now and then I have a bit of comic-related nonsense that I write. Usually it's something that comes up on the message board that I turn into some twisted tirade. Sometimes it's my own bent ideas that take on a life of their own. A good many times, it's both. But here's a few quick ones.

A discussion of the state of affairs between Captain Marvel and the JSA prompted this little episode. Of issue at the time was the relationship between Captain Marvel and Stargirl. The main problem was that the JSA felt that Captain Marvel and Courtney's relationship was... inappropriate. In their defense, it was to them, since they see Marvel as a 30-something year old guy and not the 16-year old boy (Billy Batson) that he is. But CM opted to leave the team rather than reveal that fact, a decision made in part due to his connection with the wisdom of Solomon. Eventually, the discussion on the matter led to the theory that Solomon, being the ladies man that he was, wouldn't deny Billy the chance at a relationship. Thus was born this, my version of a conversation between Billy and his, ahem... elders:

"Billy, it's Solomon. I know you're thinking about Courtney, and it's wrong."

"I know, I know..."

"You need to wait until a weekend when Alan and Jay are both out of town. Jakeem shouldn't give you too much trouble, but keep your eye on him, because I think he might be a little freaky."

"Umm, Solomon..."

"Do you have any Barry White? No, no. That's a little too advanced for kids your age. But you definitely need to get some candles..."

"I don't think I should be..."

"Billy? It's me, Zeus. Listen to Solomon. He is the ****ing man when it comes to this stuff. Sure, I have a few moves, but they generally require turning into a bull or a cloud or something..."

"You guys? I don't.. think..."

"Billy? It's me, Herc. I agree with the others. You need to hit that."

"Should you guys even be talking to me like this? I thought it only worked this way on the TV..."

"Billy, it's me Hermes. Just wanted to remind you that you probably don't want to focus on me when you're... well, let's just say it won't go well."

"... I don't want to be a superhero anymore."


I should totally be writing a Captain Marvel series right now.

Speaking of writing a series, some people may remember the topic that prompted this one, because it was a classic case of an otherwise innocuous question prompting 5 or more pages of madness. The original question was simple enough. Someone asked if Superman were in college, what types of things do you think he'd do to screw with his roommates. I think there were a few ideas like putting glass on the floor because it wouldn't bother Superman but all of his roommates would have to wear shoes or get their feet cut. I offered this as my ultimate suggestion on the matter:

"What should Superman do? I'll tell you what he should do...

Pee on them.

Think about it. There's nothing they could do about it. He's freaking Superman. It would be the ultimate move. Heck, I'm surprised there isn't an issue of Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen that has him doing just that. I can see the cover now:

Jimmy: But Superman, why pee on me?
Superman: Why not, Jimmy? Why not?

And on the cover the text would read, "A Harrowing Tale: Urine Trouble!"


For some reason, the idea blew up. People went crazy over it. Maybe it was the fact that the SuperDickery website had been so prevalent that you could almost see the cover in your head, but people were rolling over it.

At one point, someone had come up with the premise for the actual plot of the comic. Superman would fly into Jimmy's apartment as Jimmy was getting ready for a date and... pee on him. But mainly he'd pee on Jimmy's bowtie (don't question his aim... he has super urine). Jimmy would be forced to cancel his date, and would naturally be left with the queston of why Superman would do such a thing. Superman would return later and explain to Jimmy that he had been to the future and seen some horrible world catastrophe that would be caused by Jimmy dating the woman in question. I forget if she was secretly some alien invader or magical priestess or what, but it's really not important. What's important is that instead of simply warning Jimmy of the impending danger, Superman thought it was safer and more efficient to wreck the date by peeing on Jimmy.

And perhaps most disturbing of all is the fact that this premise is not really that far off from any of a number of Jimmy Olsen issues in existence. In fact, aside from Superman taking a page from the R. Kelly playbook, it's almost exactly like a few issues.

Last I heard of it, someone was working on an actual script for the issue, and I'm pretty sure at least a few people said they'd draw the issue. Someone did a sketch of the cover, but for some reason I didn't think to record it for posterity back then. So all I have to show for it now is the original text description of the cover and this... an exclusive, never before seen draft of the special variant cover that I drew myself for the issue. Note the trendy, progressive lettering in place of the full title.

(Edit: Thanks to C&GN board poster The Eternal One, I now have a copy of the original cover. He thinks SenorWeasel may have done it, but I'm willing to give credit where credit is due if someone wants to confirm the artist.)

Have your own secret origin? Like the new title logo? Have a sudden urge to pee on your enemies? If you have any ideas/suggestions/comments, feel free to leave them here or contact me at th_houston75@hotmail.com. Please reference either "Waiting for Wednesday" or "House of Ideas" in you subject, so I have some idea why you're mailing me.

Until next time, this is T-Hizzle Fa-shizzle, wishing you good tizzles until the next col-izzle. Word up, dawg. Word up.