House Rules! Week of 03/29/06

By Thomas "HouseT" Houston

On Deck: Action #837, NA: Illumnati #1.
Also: Superman/Batman #24 and Blue Beetle #1

Like a Karate Kommando, I'm just one K away from a strongly worded letter from the NAACP. Also, I believe that a roundhouse kick is the solution to any problem, and that ninja weapons should be bright primary colors.

It's a recovery week for the House-inator. There were so few books in my pull list that I had to make up a few of them. That's right, people. This week I ended up pulling some things I wouldn't normally pull.

Oh, don't give me that look...


Action Comics #837

"Up, Up and Away! Chapter Two: Mild Mannered Reporter"

Writer: Geoff Johns/Kurt Busiek
Art: Pete Woods

Note-a-Quote: "Still having trouble with the heat vision, though. It takes way too long to burn through people." -Toyman (That little guy is still as disturbing as ever.)

Deep in the depths of Metropolis lie rats, sewers, and the scum of the earth. No, not trial lawyers! Lex Luthor. Tucked away in one of his secret labs, the evil genius is forced to hear even more stories about how, despite having evaded legal prosecution, he's still broke and about to be tossed out of his own company.

Lex's lamentations are interrupted by the arrival of the Man of Steel! Or, if you will, the man of undetermined metal exoskeleton. It would seem the Toyman has bootlegged the Superman robot schematics and is now flying around in his very own model. It's what all the psychotic mechanical geniuses are wearing these days. But I digress.

Lex shows Toyman the key to all the hard work that he has planned: a piece of crystal from the Fortress of Solitude. The sunstone as Lex calls it, has enough memory to store more data than any computer on earth. Lex sends Toyman to find Prankster and tell him that they need power. A very special power. The power... of love! Okay, not really, but admit it. That would be an interesting twist.

Meanwhile above the surface, Clark Kent (remember good old, mortal Clark Kent?) talks with Lois about how he got roughed up by Lex. Lois asks Clark why he didn't fight back against Lex, and Clark notes that he did since he still printed the articles that Lex wanted him to stop printing. Clark tells Lois that the way that they eventually get to the big evils in the world like Lex and Intergang is by digging out the truth and letting everyone see it. Clark also explains to Lois how even though he can't see and hear everything the way he used to, it only makes him more aware of what's right in front of him. He finally has a sense of being human (awwww...).

Clark investigates the Metro Square area, deducing that Lex may well be hidden in some abandoned subway line underground. Clark relays this information to someone via his cell phone, although the signal is in and out (too obvious for a Verizon Wireless joke). Clark does find a secret chamber, but instead of Lex he finds a bunch of Intergang wannabees looting a cache of battlesuits. Clark tries to sneak back out, but gets noticed before he can get away.

After a few near scrapes, Clark gets ready to use his Supergirl signal watch when he suddenly remembers he has his cell phone. Next thing you know, before you can say, "Where you at, dawg?" down the pipe comes Green Lantern Hal Jordan and Hawkgirl (or as I like to refer to them, "Team Abs of Steel"). Needless to say, the suit-mercs get pwned. But before it's all over, Clark does his part to save life and limb as well.

Cut to a status of Superman and Superboy in a Metropolis park. Lex Luthor has a clandestine meeting with none other than Jon Corben, AKA Metallo. If he were a few pages earlier, he could be on Team Abs of Steel, but as it is he has to settle for putting his kryptonite heart in with Team Luthor. Hey... kryptonite heart, Kryptonian sunstone... you don't think...? Nah!

Our heroes make their way back towards Clark's house but stop off on a rooftop. Hal and Kendra both note that things have been a little rougher without the help of their various super-teams. Hal tells Clark that he still has the instincts to be a hero, but he just lacks the tools to do so. Offering up an S emblazoned Lantern ring, Hal informs Clark that it's time to get back into the game.

So, we get more of the Adventures of Clark Kent, who's basically Jimmy Olsen with a few more emergency contacts. It's nice to see that not only does Clark have access to several heroes when he needs them, but also that they show him as smart enough to have them on standby when he goes into something potentially dangerous. Some might argue that he'd be smarter if he just got them to check it out themselves, but Clark wouldn't go that far with things.

We also see that Lex is up to some complicated, wacky scheme or other. And despite being defunct with the Society, he still has enough clout to draw in a few villains for a scheme. As Lois and Clark point out, the guy said he could cure cancer if he wasn't occupied with Superman, so anything he's applying himself on without Supes there to interfere can't be good.

One could argue that drawing Clark Kent is far more complicated than drawing Superman, and you'd probably be right. That said, the art in this issue seems to suffer from the same thing part one did: mundane-itis. As an art style, it works, but it isn't necessarily my cup of tea, especially in a title with a hero that's as four colr splash as you can get.

In any case, we do get to see more of the Clark we know and love in this isuse. Unlike last issue, Clark spends a good deal of time reflecting on his current situation, and it turns out it's not all bad. After all, for a guy who drifted near omnipotence on a good day, getting to be one of the regular people isn't such a bad thing. One is left to wonder whether or not we'll be seeing a Super Lantern flying around next issue. If nothing else, it'd make for a great HeroClix figure.

Story: 7/10 (Superman, Schmuperman... Clark's where it's at.)
Art: 5/10 (What up with the Hawkgirl eye's, people?)
Overall: 6/10 (A solid continuation of the story.)


New Avengers: Illuminati #1

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Art: Alex Maleev

Note-a-Quote: "Well, I have to go home and fight with my wife about this for the rest of my life." -Reed Richards (Oh, like you didn't know Reed was whipped. W-Psh! W-Psh!)

Picture it. Sicily 1932... Okay, okay... Picture it. Wakanda, X number of years ago. Iron Man, Doctor Strange, Professor Xavier, Reed Richards, Black Bolt, Namor, and of course, Black Panther. This is either the top secret meeting that's been hinted about happening, or the formation of the most kick-A rock band ever.

The group has assembled to discuss the recent Kree-Skrull War and its aftermath. Iron Man points out that the war may have been prevented if all of their respective groups, containing bits and pieces of relelvant information, had pooled their resources. Tony suggests that the group of heroes should form their own delegation and form a united front to prevent something like this from happening again.

Despite Tony's best intentions, though, no one in the group feels like it would be a good idea. There's far too much dissention in their own ranks and media and government scrutiny would no doubt reflect badly on them. But the group agrees that it would be good, from time to time, to assemble and share information relevant to world matters. Everyone, that is, except for the Black Panther, who tells them all that it is a bad idea and that he'll have no part in it.

Flash ahead to a scant month ago. The Incredible Hulk rampages through Las Vegas while the Fantastic Four attempt to hold him off. Despite their best efforts, there have been casualties. From a SHIELD helicarrier, Iron Man gets read the riot act. Since he's part of the hero community with the power to do something, shouldn't he be willing to do whatever necessary to stop the Hulk? It's something Tony decides to bring to the secret clubhouse, along with a plan to send Banner into space. This time it's Namor of Atlantis who takes issue with it, and before it's over he and Tony Stark come to blows.

But alas, even Sub-Mariner's protest and eventual abandonment of the group goes unheeded, and the group manages to launch Hulk into deep space (of course, anyone who's familiar with the Planet Hulk storyline already knows this.

It is now the here and now. Once again, the leaders of the pack (vroom, vroom!) meet in secret. Namor is present again despite having walked out last time because Tony Stark has requested it. Professor Xavier is absent again because nobody without an X on their shirt knows where he is. Tony presents the group with the information that the government plans to implement a superhuman registration act. The act will force anyone acting as a hero or possessing superpowers to register with the U.S. government in order to continued sanctioned activities. Said registration would also require the revealing of secret identities. As crazy as it sounds, Tony tells the group that they should all step forward and publicly endorse the act.

The group is less than thrilled at the notion. Tony himself doesn't support the idea, but feels that the best way to diffuse the situation is from the inside out. Reed Richards supports Tony in this notion, but everyone else save Black Bolt is staunchly against it. And Black Bolt isn't necessarily 100 percent, either.

The group disbands for what is presumably the final time, and Tony Stark is left alone lamenting his departed comrades and the impending dark times ahead.

You all know I have a love/hate relationship with one Brian Michael Bendis, and if you don't, let me tell you: I have a love/hate relationship with Brian Michael Bendis. My main issue with him tends to be his inability to properly convey major events. Day to day, mundane things he handles excellently, but grander scaled, "superpower level" type things he tends to fail at. In my opinion.

That said, the Illuminati special is well written. This is due in part to the fact that most of the issue is simply conversations and debates of issues, things which Bendis handles well when given the chance. Furthermore, all of the attendees are in character, something which, while seeming easy, can be a lot more difficult than it would seem. In particular, it was nice to see a Black Panther willing to voice his displeasure at the ideas the group was endorsing with valid, logical, viewpoints. Blunt and a bit abrasive at times, but also regal and intelligent. It's a shame we don't see more of that Panther running around anymore. But I digress and risk wandering into another one of my "special writer relationships."

On the whole, the book gives you more insight into the coming Civil War storyline. Despite only seeing them meet three times, you get the impression that they did meet other times, more than likely with less heavier concerns than the ones shown here. It would have been nice to have seen a little more escalation than just the Hulk incident so there'd be more of an indication that things had been steadily moving to dissolution, but considering the group's foundation started with a walkout, I imagine it couldn't really be more unstable.

Also, the implications of their final meeting would seem to indicate where the lines of conflict will be drawn. Both Tony and Reed seem convinced that they need to work from within the system, while the others are either unconcerned with the matter or staunchly against it.

And then finally, we get the overall impression of Tony Stark. The initial meeting and the idea for everyone to work together was his idea. Once it all falls apart, you really get the feeling that he takes it as a personal failure. And it's not like Tony has a lot of success with forming groups to begin with (Force Works, anyone? Hello? ... yeah, I went there.)

And things don't look like they're going to go any better for Tony in the coming months, either. Especially since the Civil War preview shown at the end of the book appears to show the first part of Tony's predicted dark days coming to pass. And thank you, Millar et al, for giving my New Warriors a spotlight just to show them screwing up.

Story: 7/10 (A decent background built on past and current events)
Art: 5/10 (Not my style, really, but tells the story well enough.)
Overall: 6/10 (Good filler if you need that kind of thing in your life.)



Superman/Batman #24

"With a Vengeance! Part 5: The Price of Our Sins"

Writer: Jeph loeb
Art: Ed McGuinness/Dexter Vines

Note-a-Quote: "Darkseid. You've confused me with someone who gives a damn what you think." -Superman (To be honest, I'd like to think that Clark saves what few swear words he plans to drop for statements just like that one. You just know he does.)

The Skinny: The four things you need to know that happened in this issue:

1) As part of his deal to repay Darkseid for helping him in a previous issue, Superman pulls Darkseid from the Source Wall and is consequently trapped there himself.

2) Bizarro enlists the help of Supergirl and a collection of alternate reality Supergirls to try and save Superman.

3) Batman, still in an alternate reality, runs into the female dominated version of the DCU. Their group and the Maximums are dragged together to fight by none other than the Joker.

4) Batzarro takes a lethal shot from Joker that was intended to kill Batman. Instead of being repentant, Joker declares that he intends to kill every Batman there ever was or ever will be.

My Take: Every single other thing in this book falls into the category of "Things that either make little sense or are deemed irrelevant." This is due in no small part to the fact that I can't even remember what was going on in this book the last time I read it. That last time being the last time it was shipped.

This is no doubt the kind of arc that, if read in a single digest or sitting, would make a lot more sense. Especially since its success or failure will depend largely on how the final explanations and resolutions pan out. but the plain simple truth of the matter is that, despite having its moments, this book was a pain to read at times.

The plot has been deliberately fractured for the sake of storytelling, but doesn't gel due to the mystery of what's going on. We have both Bizarro and Batzarro, whose dialogue would be more understandable if it was put through a blender. Honestly, if you're not good at Bizarro Speak, there should be some asterisk you can place ont he text that means, 'Imagine this is Bizarro Speak and be amused." It's supposed to be frustrating and confusing for the characters to deal with, not the reader.

The random and varied dimension hopping, while making for an interesting dynamic has run its course. Likewise it's unclear just how or why people have ended up where they are. Bizarro has apparently hopped to quite a few places on his own, which isn't explained at all. The only thing we have resembling an explanation is that Joker and Mxyzptlk have some scheme up their sleeves, and we'll know more about it next month. At least, we hope we will.

There are some nice visuals to be had. The Source Wall is as creepy as it's ever been, the feminine versions of Bats and Supes are disturbingly cute, and Bizarro in the water with a fish tail hanging out of his mouth was a funny minor detail I noticed upon looking at the issue again.

Story: 4/10 (Even with previous issues to reference, it's a tough road.)
Art: 5/10 (There are some nice visuals, but it doesn't help the story.)
Overall: 4/10 (Hopefully the next issue bridges the story gaps.)


Blue Beetle #1

"Blue Monday"

Writer: Keith Giffen/John Rogers
Art: Cully Hamner

Note-a-Quote: "You learned to say 'Spawn Camper' in Swedish." -Brenda (To be fair, Paco is right. The Swedes are spawn camapers. Darn Swedes...)

The Skinny: Jaime Reyes has a full life. His school friends are goofy, but otherwise likable. His family is as normal as anyone else's (whether that's good or bad is left to your judgment). Guy Gardner is trying to wipe him from the face of the Earth. Weird people with no eyes are threatening him on the sidewalk...

What's that? That last part doesn't seem normal? Well it would be if a magic bug crawled under your skin and made you the new Blue Beetle. Jaime might get to enjoying it all, if he manages to survive long enough, that is.

My Take: Little known fact about me: I loved Ted Kord. When it came to old school Justice League, nothing said good times like Beetle and Booster. I've sacrificed games of HeroClix playing their less than stellar statted figures, but it was worth it. Blue and Gold forever, baby!

So it should come as no surprise that I was... less than pleased with the events of Countdown to Infinite Crisis. Tell perhaps the greatest Blue Beetle story of the past decade or so, then end it by puttng a bullet in his head. Not cool. But I digress.

The point is, much like Firestorm, I felt that the last Blue Beetle had a pretty crummy exit from the DCU. I draw the parallel for a reason, because much like the new Firestorm, this new Beetle looks to be a promising character.

Jaime fits the role of a fledgling hero well. He has a sense of right and wrong, a strong family connection (and how often do you see a complete family unit for a hero in this day and age?), and an offbeat sense of humor. The note he left on the remote control for his sister was particularly amusing.

The story doesn't make a ton of connections on the whole. On one hand, we have Jaime in his Beetle gear battling what appears to be a half-crazed Guy Gardner. This event presumably takes place somewhere after the heroes' assault on Brother Eye, which incidentally hasn't happened yet. As such, it's unclear exactly what state Jaime or Guy is in or even what state they should be in. So despite their pseudo-battle, there's no way to know what should come of the whole deal besides Guy's foreboding notion that the Beetle suit made him crazy, and nothing that crazy could ever be good.

On the other hand, we have Jaime hanging out with his friends and family, which gives us a chance to see what his "normal" life is like prior to acquiring his Beetle powers. These moments provide a lot more insight into the character. Well, it will over the course of time. But for now, knowing he's a good hearted kid that tries to do what he can to help out his family is enough. It is just issue one, after all.

If I have one complaint, it's in the Blue Beetle's appearance. It isn't so much an art thing, but the Beetle outfit just looks clunky a good deal of the time. One might argue that it's deliberately Kirby-esque, but it's still clunky.

Story: 5/10 (A story worthy enough to warrant buying a few more issues.)
Art: 5/10 (Replace "story" in the above sentence with "art.")
Overall: 5/10 (This is no surprise, is it?)


T-Mail!

It's time to read us some T-Mail!
Reply to some posts and some e-mail!
Might even get one from a fe-male!
(But it'll probably be from a dude.)


Alex "Almeister112" Swindle wrote:

I was going to try to say something witty about hurting my arm picking up a heavy book, just so I could be the first to complain, but then I realized it was late, meaning my comment wouldn't be funny and I'd just have a sore arm. Now I have a sore arm, but my dignity remains unbruised! Yay!

I actually just wanted to say that your column is always great for a laugh. The T-Mail song never ceases to amuse me. Keep it up.


Alex: Darn you! I can't make a snappy nickname up for a guy who actively uses the name "almeister." That said, thanks for the compliments. I would say something about your having a sore arm, but honestly, that's just way too easy.

And the T-Mail song is entirely too addictive. Thank goodness it's not a real song that could be played on a CD over and over again. The sheer awesomeness might split the world in half. And the world just happens to be where I keep my stuff.


If you have any ideas/suggestions/comments, feel free to leave them here or contact me at th_houston75@hotmail.com. Please reference either "Waiting for Wednesday" or "House Rules!" in your subject, so I have some idea why you're mailing me.

That's it for this week. In stark contrast, I would wager next week will give me more comics on my pull list than I want to buy. Life's just funny that way.